Things may be going too far. Virus Shark, from SRS Cinema, is a low-budget attempt to merge the rampaging COVID virus and the perennial favorite: Sharks.
How does SRS sum up this film?
A shark bite spreads a virus across the globe, turning the world upside down. Deep below the ocean, a group of researchers race against time to find a cure. Something has infected the lab technicians and it’s a race against time to reach the surface with an antidote before they are all killed by themselves and the sharks lurking inside the test pool and outside in the ocean. From Mark Polonia!
Maybe you know Mark Polonia? If you’re a devotee to low-budget horror films you’ve probably seen his work. He works under the Polonia Bros Entertainment brand. I’ll admit to consuming some of Mark’s content over this last challenging year including Queen Crab, Amityville Island, and Sharkenstein with some other titles in the queue.
The plot of Virus Shark
Overlooking how badly written the summary above is (how can anyone use ‘race against time’ twice in a paragraph? For the love of Moses!) it does adequately sum up the film. Scientists discover a new disease they dub SHVID-1, transmitted to humans through shark bites. This leads to a lethal pandemic with millions infected, martial law, Karens running wild and maskless – you know – much like the way things are now.
A race against time
“Deep below the ocean, a group of researchers race against time to find a cure.” Indeed. five people are housed deep below the ocean in the Cygnus Research Facility, a former top-secret military base converted into a research station, 800 meters below the ocean. Seriously? That’s like half a mile below the surface. The maintenance to keep it running would have to be immense…
Who’s on board this sub-sea research station?
- Kristi Parks – Shark Expert
- Gregory McLandon – Lead Disease Specialist
- Anne Satcher – Top of her field in “Marine studies and plant life”
- Rickter D”Amato – Designer and builder of the Cygnus Research Facility
- Duke Larson – Soldier / Security
- Shannon Muldoon – Top-Side Disease Control Agent
Who are the actors? I can only guess (below), there are no credits to match the actors to characters.
What do they do?
Parks has captive sharks she experiments on. Satcher looks into a microscope a lot and experiments on the bodies of victims that are brought into the station from aboveground (in an elevator – a half-mile elevator).
McLandon seems to do little but have sexually-charged teleconferences with Muldoon. D”Amato walks around with a clipboard, looks at gauges, and taps them to make sure the readings are adequate. Landon, with a stunning mane of golden hair, stalks around the station armed, wearing a partial wetsuit for some reason.
Park and Satcher have made a breakthrough in their research – and might be able to synthesize a universal antidote. Of course, the virus aside, shit goes sideways quite quickly. D”Amato discovers the station is leaking and they only have weeks until it implodes. Satcher is attacked by an orange block of slime that drops out of the body she is experimenting on. She spends the remainder of the film wandering around as a zombie. Very odd. Larson, aka Soldier Kinky Locks, is scraped by a shark while assisting Parks in getting a blood sample.
Did I mention this whole undersea research station looks a lot like the inside of a high school or hospital? The shark pool? It has racing lanes painted on the bottom. for being 800 meters below sea level, the facility seems to have been built with concrete. And there is nary a bulkhead hatch to be seen.
Nothing turns out well. Parks is able to make an antidote. McLandon steals it so he and Muldoon can profit, but not before being bitten by Zombie Satcher.
And this is all within the first 33 minutes. Slow-paced, Virus Shark is not.
A shitstorm ensues. McLandon tries to escape. A firefight between him and Duke results. McLandon, shot and in the elevator to the surface dies when the elevator is attacked and eaten by a shark. Now trapped, D’Amato shares they only have eight hours of oxygen left. A call top-side for emergency help is interrupted when a shark eats the communication cables. Parks makes more of the antidote.
Is it me, or do these sharks know how to pick their times for maximum impact on the plot?
Fear not. There is an escape pod and two of the remaining crew members start to ascend toward the surface. Poor Duke. It should have been a dead-giveaway, anyone with hair that pretty wouldn’t survive the film.
Alas, the escape is not without another victim. A shark attacks the escape pod and D’Amato is apparently eaten. Parks is washed up on the beach. Poor Parks, alone and depressed, wanders into a forest. She is set upon by three infected people. They decide to trade Parks and the antidote for “power.”
Enter the Mutant Marauders.
These costumes are so bad you can only laugh. They attack and Parks and her captors flee. After some hide and seek, Parks is rescued by a soldier. They are to travel to another secret base by submarine – only130 people remain. Humanity, civilization has been destroyed.
On the deck of the submarine, Parks decides it is “all over” and drops the antidote into the sea.
Who stars in Virus Shark?
James Carolus. … Gregory McLandon?
Steve Diasparra … Rikter D’Amato
Danielle Donahue. … Anne Satcher?
Jamie Morgan. … Kristi Parks?
Ken Van Sant. … Duke Larson
Is there a Virus Shark Trailer?
Should I watch Virus Shark?
If low-budget, badly-acted shark movies are your thing, then, yes, watch Virus Shark. It offers untold amusement and countless opportunities to scream at the screen in frustration or disgust. It’s a campy good time.